did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
