ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
