I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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