I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
