I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Randomize
