I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bring money and cleavage
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
