If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
