I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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