Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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