how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
