apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
