he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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