So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
