You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
