theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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