I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
