I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
