Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
