i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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