My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
