She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
