Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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