so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
