If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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