respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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