Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
