were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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