Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
