I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
