I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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