Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
