Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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