He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
