8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
