I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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