Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
