ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
