grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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