At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
