Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
