I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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