Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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