Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
