Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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