doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
