So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
