69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
