so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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