I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
