So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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