my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
