In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
