Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
